Your Weekly INFJ Insight 👀

Are your relationships *too* peaceful?

Image from 16personalities.com

It likely comes as no surprise to you that INFJs are the least likely personality type to say they argue often in their relationships. In your mind, harmony and understanding trump conflict. While this can be a good thing (think peaceful environments 😌), it may also present a challenge in standing up for yourself. Let’s go a little deeper and explore this tendency to avoid conflict so you can use this knowledge to learn and grow. 

Today, we’ll explore the following:

• The INFJ tendency to avoid conflict

• The (far-reaching) impact of conflict avoidance  

• Three practical tips to help you apply this insight to your life 

• A hard-hitting question to ask yourself in order to learn and grow (discuss in the comments with your fellow INFJs!)

The INFJ tendency to avoid conflict:

INFJs have a natural inclination to sidestep arguments and disagreements that stems from their desire for harmony and empathy toward others. You likely find yourself prioritizing the feelings and needs of those around you, sometimes at the expense of your own. This tendency can manifest in various ways: agreeing to plans you’re not entirely comfortable with, holding back your true opinions, or even taking on extra responsibilities to prevent potential conflicts. Your ability to sense others’ emotions (and empathize) can make you hyper-aware of potential discord, leading you to preemptively smooth things over.

The impact of conflict avoidance:

Avoiding conflict might keep things peaceful, but such peace comes at a cost. Consistently suppressing your own needs and opinions can lead to a buildup of unresolved issues and unexpressed emotions. Over time, this can result in feelings of resentment, increased stress levels, and a sense of being undervalued in your relationships. It may also hinder your personal growth, as you miss opportunities to assert yourself and learn from constructive disagreements. By prioritizing harmony, you might inadvertently create superficial relationships that lack the depth and authenticity you crave as an INFJ.

3 practical tips to help you apply this insight: 

1. Consider why harmony matters to you. Ask yourself, “What am I afraid might happen if I disrupt harmony?” You’ll better understand why you avoid conflict and maybe see how changing your thinking can lead to healthier conflict. 

2. Conduct an audit: This week, keep track of when you feel the urge to avoid conflict. Note the situation, your emotions, and what you ultimately did. Then, review this and look for patterns in the types of situations that trigger your avoidance.

3. Practice conflict: Partner with a trusted friend to role-play scenarios where you are in a disagreement. This allows you to try out different responses and approaches in a safe, supportive environment.

Today’s topic may have felt a little uncomfortable. Maybe it brought up some deep-seated fears, unmet needs, or areas of your life where you’ve sacrificed too much for the sake of harmony or in the name of empathy. That’s okay. Try not to be too hard on yourself if this is the case, but do consider where and how you can bring a little more self-advocacy into your life. Healthy relationships can withstand disagreements, and your unique perspective deserves to be heard.

Here’s one final question for you to mull over today:

Are you using your empathy as a shield to avoid facing your own needs and desires?

Ooof. Heavy hitter. You’re welcome to discuss this question in the comments with your fellow INFJs. (It also makes a great journal prompt if you’d rather reflect privately.)

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Have you seen our other publication, Leadership by 16Personalities? In this newsletter, we dive deep into the challenges that each personality type faces so that you can empower them to be their best selves in the workplace and beyond. (Psst…you don’t need to be a manager to be a leader.) We invite you to join us in our current exploration of managing up.